Happy August LOVEs!!!!
Oh my gosh… it’s been almost a month and I haven’t blogged. I am deeply sorry guys…
Today’s post is going to be the most personal one I’ve ever written, and I am really hoping to help you or someone out there feel more connected with me and help someone who’s struggling with their life.
If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve noticed that I’ve been MIA for some days last week. I was completely off of social media. Then, I decided to share the following tale on my InstaStory. I was really scared and nervous but, I simply wanted to share what I have been struggling with in my life.
Story of My Real Life
“Sorry for being MIA for the last 4 days.
I have been struggling with a sporadic, unexplainable bouts of depression, and they hit me out of the blue. Literally no sign when it comes. One day I am so happy, then when I wake up the next day, I feel so discouraged and unmotivated.
Maybe I shouldn’t share anything negative on social media, but i believe life isn’t ALWAYS so happy, pleasant, and smooth. And I stand up and share my struggles here because I know I am not the only one who suffers from the hardships and agony days & moments RIGHT NOW.
I have been single for 6 years, but I do enjoy my single life. I have good friends who care about me and enjoy our time together. But being away from family - not being able in person when you need them while you are pursuing your dreams in a foreign country is not a piece of cake. So much to deal with. I am not from a wealthy family, so no financial support either. And we all know what a weight financial problems on your shoulders.
The last few days, I’ve been feeling like I am a total loser, I am not capable, no one cares about me, and I am so lonely. And I felt left behind from the world. Yesterday I was like a dead person - not myself. I was so depressed that I couldn’t even bring myself to eat. Naturally, the tears came and I wondered why I have to suffer like this. The worse thing of this kind of depression is I don’t know the solution. I don’t know what to do to make it better. Because even though I want to reach out to people for help and simply want them to listen, I am so scared of being rejected or ignored.
But I have tried not to pressure myself and to give myself time for self-focus. Tried to accept the depression and the empty feeling inside. I chant every day and chanted longer today. While chanting I felt a lot of gratitude, and I was able to be thankful for everything - like today I was finally able to go outside.
I really hate dealing with this unexpected depression because it causes so much mental pain and a lot of negative thoughts. I always want to be the happy me. But one thing I can always learn from is that every time I overcome - because of that, I can be more thankful, and I can be more sensitive to other people’s pain and suffering. And I can be more compassionate with whoever undergoes the same experiences. And each battle I conquer with depression, I feel a bit stronger. Without pain, there can be no pleasure. Without sadness, there can be no happiness.
If you are feeling misery and mental anguish, remember that you are not alone. I am with you. I am always so afraid to show my vulnerable side- but my friend told me, “It’s okay to be blue,” and that one single sentence really helped me accept the unhappy me.
I hope my sharing this could help you embrace something that’s weighing on you at the moment and help you accept who you truly are. And whenever you struggle, don’t be afraid to share it with people. Use social media to share the cry of you soul! Someone will surely listen to you. Don’t suffer all by yourself. No one can live alone. I am with you & we all live supporting one another!!”
Yes.. This struggle issues has been a big burden on my shoulders and it’s always so painful. It got me melt down so easily and so deeply. But right after I posted this personal suffering on my InstaStory, I was so shocked that so many people replied to my stories. They thanked me that I courageously shared these personal hardships on social media. I definitely wouldn’t imagine that my followers could relate what I have been experiencing AT ALL.
“You’re BEAUTIFUL!! So talented, kind, amazing, have the sweetest heart, you make people laugh and feel loved. You are so good at blogging and networking and connecting with people!! I am thinking about you today and praying for you!! Just know how cared for you are and how many people are here to cheer you on and support you!! 💗 - @bresheppard”
“You are so strong Aika! Sending you so much love!! Hoping better days are on the horizon ❤️ - @morgan_lillian”
“So much love for you Aika! Beautiful inspiring words, and I appreciate your open honesty ❤️ - @compasslanechic”
“Thank you so much for sharing. I know I am a stranger so this might be odd but I am having a down days as well and this helped me to know I’m not the only one this heppens to me suddenly. ❤️ - @vintageotter ”
“Hey! I just saw your Instagram story and I know you don’t know me, but I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you reaching out like that to others and telling them that they aren’t alone. 💕 - @rebecca_kate_”
“Thanks for sharing I’ve been following you a long time now and I love your honesty. Your absolutely stunning and you inspire me 🌸 I’ve been dealing with physical health problems for most of my life and it’s hard to make people understand or even sympathize because they’re not dealing with anything. So from one person to another that’s struggling with their healthy everyday, I call you my friend and I don’t feel so alone. Thanks ❤️😘🌸 - @prettylittleartist_”
“Aika, I know we don’t know each other but I wanted to reach out to you. Let me start by saying that I appreciate your courage to share. That’s very brave and I am sure you are going to reach a lot of others who also struggle with depression. I also want you know that for what it’s worth, I recently found your page and was instantly impressed by you. I’ve been blogging for years and have literally had no success. I look up to you for being different, being you. I hope become as successful.” - @thegirlypearly”
“I have such a good faith in you. You’re such a fighter & know you will concur this! It’s a bit hard now and then, but if your dream is big and hard, means it’s worth fighting for! Wishing you A LOADS of hugs & kisses all the way from Serbia! ❤️❤️❤️ - @jovanvasiljevic”
“This is beautiful Aika and thank you for sharing! More girls and women need to share this kind of love and thoughts 💭 You’re definitely not alone and thank you for sharing to everyone 💕 More girls need inspirations like this - @mandeerae”
“Thank you for sharing this. This literally made me cry. I was feeling all alone and was suffering from depression till today too. Much love ❤️ -@kanmari_ca”
“Thank you for everything you said. I feel also like you. I work and study in another city, away from my family and I feel so lonely and alone. There are days where I would like to drop everything and go home. I also try to chant. But sometimes I feel so shitty that even chanting is such a struggle. So thank you!” - @lapavanella93”
“Hi Aika, thank you for sharing this. When I was struggling with my depression in the winter, your posts were like a ray of sunlight. They let me know there were things to look forward to. I know you are such a happy soul and have a such a good spirit and energy. Sending so much love your way 💕💕💕💕💕💕” - @piacentini_”
“I just wanted to tell you that I admire your courage. I literally went through the same thing a couple weeks ago, and I still am dealing with the residue from it. I’m also alone in a different county, without family, and I completely understand the difficulties of not being able to open up, scare to sharing your problems with others. But you’re right, we’re never alone. Your post just gave me so much strength to continue. Thank you! Let’s do our best!! ❤️ - @waylie.tran ”
I am literally crying right now while reading these tremendously heartfelt and kind messages from all over the world. These are just several of many messages I’ve received.. Would I ever expect that the people actually I don’t know care about me? Definitely not. My heart was and still swells with appreciation and I can’t express how pleased I am to have such caring, supportive and wonderful followers and readers.
To be honest, I was scared AF to show my weakness, because I thought no one would care about it or would even wanna see it… But I am still in shock that I was able to reach and connect with lots of people who actually struggle with their own personal issues and depression, just like me at the moment. Also, I wanted to stand up and say that what you see online is NOT everything in life. Social media naturally becomes a place where we all curate our lives to look a certain way when they are actually NOT glamorous and fancy all the time. Like the picture above, I have a big smile - but you would never know and imagine what the girl in the photo is really dealing with in her life.
“Behind all the beautiful smiles, there is an unknown misery”
We all have to always keep that in mind, for you and for someone you care about.
Your little courage - even little is enough - will surely help someone out there. You are an inspiration to them. You don’t need to know who they are because your actions may save their lives, could brighten their days, or could be a source of inspiration to make it through the heavy burdens they may carry on their shoulders.
That’s so important, so inspiring and so beautiful.
That’s one of the biggest reasons why I started my blogging about my journey in a different county - to help someone pursue their dreams and not to give up, to be a ray of sunshine and inspiring. Just sharing my daily outfits to iinspire and entertain people through my style isn’t all about being a fashion blogger to me now. I felt so much love and support from my readers and followers all over the world, and now I always need to remember, whenever I feel alone, I can think of YOU.
I was extremely fearful to pursue my dreams away from my family. When I started, only a few people could believe I made it through. But I am so happy and proud of myself that I haven’t given up and I am greatly looking forward to connecting with more people not in the form of my readers and followers - the way of “Aika is someone that I can feel the deep connection with.”
If you are currently struggle with depression, feeling alone, discouraged by the feeling of wanting to give up on something because you can’t see the light and hope, or any issues you are experiencing, please PLEASE share them with your friends, your teachers, or your family. If you can’t do it with them, talk to me; email me.
You are probably so scared to talk with someone and share what you are facing, but I know it definitely helps you feel a bit encouraged and takes a load off your mind. You might not be able to go through it all by yourself, but with someone, you can get over anything together.
“Reality is harsh. It can be cruel and ugly. Yet, it does not matter how much we grieve over our environment and circumstances, nothing will change. What is important is not to be defeated, to forge ahead bravely. If we do this, a path will open before us”
Sorry for the long post, but I really hope this post could help someone that has gone through or is undergoing a similar situation with my message.
Thank you for reading my blog and for letting me share the vulnerable side of me. Love you endlessly <3
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CREDITS:
Photographed by Sarah Wolfe || 📍: Capitol Hill
Thank you for reading ❤︎
- STAY FASHiONABLE, STAY UNiQUE -
